People with this condition are caught up in rumination about the circumstances of the death, worry about its consequences, or excessive avoidance of reminders of the loss. But one type that’s being talked about these days is called complicated grief.Ī recently recognized condition that occurs in about 7% of bereaved people. The following list are things that may not be helpful for someone who’s dealing with sadness and loss. You don’t want to make anything worse for your person, for sure. What Not to Say When Someone Loses a Loved One Please know I’m thinking of you, sending you (strength or love or light … whatever will be most comforting to the one who’s grieving).Memories of shared pleasant experiences can bring a moment of lightness and joy. Oh, I remember when s/he did or said _.I don’t have any words, but please know that I’m with you in spirit, and holding you in my thoughts and prayers.Making space for them to feel whatever they’re feeling, asking them what they need, and offering to do specific supportive things are all ways you can help support your person. Reach out to your person with your open heart they’ll feel that. Here are a few things that can help you express what you want to say, and not offend or hurt the other person. Community can be incredibly healing, as long as what’s offered actually helps the grieving person. Grief isn’t a problem to be solved, but rather, a loss to be lived through. Nobody wants that.Īnd immediately after a loss is not the time to start problem solving. Too often, the person who’s grieving and dealing with a profound loss ends up having to take time and energy to comfort other people. You don’t want to add to their pain and sorrow, but you want them to know you care. When someone you know, like or love, and respect loses a loved one, it can feel uncomfortable to say something directly to them. What to Say When Someone Loses a Loved One Other types of loss include, of course, the death of someone close to you, a sudden, shocking reversal of any kind, or losing a beloved pet. the loss of identity or your sense of self, which can happen with many life changes such as relationships, changing careers, parenting, moving, financial reversal, a chronic illness diagnosis, aging.losing your beliefs about how the world is supposed to work, which can happen for parents of children with special needs or mental health diagnoses.the impending loss of someone you love, often experienced by caregivers.losing, or never having had a sense of meaning and purpose for your life can cause feelings of sadness & loss.the loss of emotional safety, when we’ve felt or been threatened or harmed or neglected.In fact, there are so many that I created a list of unusual ways you can lose something or someone that’s been an important part of your life. I went up the trail to the sunrise.All day that summer solstice day the coyote’s gaze was in my awareness.There are so many different types of sadness and loss and grief, so many ways your heart can be broken. Then the coyote trotted across my path, headed home after a night on the mesa. It seemed to me we held the gaze for a long time. We stopped and looked into each other’s eyes. Hurrying along a trail in the pre-dawn light, I caught a coyote out of the corner of my eye. I was to meet some people and hike to Chimney Rock to greet the sun on the solstice. It was at Ghost Ranch, near Santa Fe, New Mexico. That’s what happens when Coyote is around. I met a coyote that morning in the desert, but before the day was over, I met Coyote, the Trickster. I met Coyote shortly before dawn on the summer solstice. So I was surprised to have Coyote enter my life. It might have been what God was wanting us to do all along. That seems a good set of things for a little church to be doing. We worked on that with an eye to becoming more human, more humane. So we worked together on such things on understanding ourselves, our mates, our children, our society. They would have been content to understand their children. Most of the people in the congregation had also given up trying to understand God. Perhaps I was understood by God, but I had accepted that I was never going to understand God.Surprisingly this made no difference to my being a parish minister. I was living my life, and God was doing whatever God does. Coyote came into my life unbidden, unwanted, un-yearned for.
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